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JOB OPENING: MORNING SHOW HOST/NBC/NYC: Co-host needed for very popular early morning program. Duties will include pandering to celebrities, politicians and successful business executives. Work with seasoned professionals and be willing to indulge their idiocy. Ideal candidate has universal and non-threatening appeal. Candidate should be someone with no pending litigation and not currently under investigation. Experience preferred. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGMORNING SHOW HOST/CBS/NYC: Co-host needed for successful morning show. Ideal candidate will be a sycophant. Duties may include providing a seasoned and weathered perspective to breaking news and popular entertainment items. Must be able to interview people of varying degrees of intellect with aplomb. Requires razor like attention to detail so no drinking on the job will be allowed. Experience preferred but will consider the right person. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEXECUTIVE/The Weinstein Company/NYC & LA: Lead a successful movie studio through transition period. Professional appearance a must. Duties include keeping your penis (or vagina) clothed in more than a bathrobe (preferably) during meetings. Must not be “gropey” or “rapey” with potential colleagues. Some experience preferred but will consider applicant who isn’t an asshole or currently under investigation. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENING: TALK SHOW HOST/PBS/NYC: Host needed for talk show. Job role involves interviewing newsmakers of the day so sobriety is paramount. May involve co-hosting morning show at CBS. No criminal record and experience preferred but will consider the right person. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEXECUTIVE/Rush Communications/NYC: Lead a diverse group of companies during transition period. Ideal candidate will be a motivated self-starter with entrepreneurial experience beyond the record business. Must have knowledge of clothing and media industries and be willing to drive revenue exploiting new business verticals. Other siblings of rap group RUN-DMC not encouraged to apply. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGPROGRAMMING EXECUTIVE/Amazon Studios/LA: Exciting opportunity to lead programming team of streaming service. Must be willing to travel and meet with writers and producers without a condescending attitude. Ideal candidate will avoid lewd comments or forcing themselves on unsuspecting colleagues. Req’s a specific focus on new creative opportunities. Some production experience required. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGACTOR/Netflix/Baltimore: Lead actor needed for successful dramatic show on Netflix. Ideal candidate will have a presidential appearance and must be willing to work long hours. Prefer candidate not currently under investigation or pending indictment. Non-rapey candidates encouraged to apply. Experience required. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGHOST/Minnesota Public Radio/Minneapolis: Host needed for “best of” show highlighting fictional mid-western town. Other hosting duties include weekly writing program. Successful candidate will have droll speaking voice and banal sense of humor. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGSTAND-UP COMEDIAN/Various/Various: Various opportunities exist for stand-up comedians. Best candidates have unique perspective, are funny and able to successfully avoid masturbating in public. Misogyny discouraged. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEDITOR/DC Comics/NYC: Oversee editorial responsibilities for NYC based comic publisher. Be responsible for such titles as SupermanSupergirl, and Wonder Woman. Perfect candidate will not fondle colleagues. Relationships with existing authors ideal. 8-10 years experience required. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEXECUTIVE PRODUCER/Warner Brothers Group/LA: Successful network seeks Executive Producer with experience to oversee flagship shows ArrowSupergirlThe Flash and DC’s Legends of Tomorrow. Req’s a specific focus on budgetary constraints and the ability to refrain from any inappropriate contact with colleagues. Perfect candidate will not be under any internal or external investigation from former employers or police. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEXECUTIVE/RATPAC Entertainment/LA: Production company seeks executive. (sigh) Candidate must not be under investigation, have any pending litigation or have a second home used to grope, molest and rape colleagues or applicants. Duties include the production of creatively retarded films that are devoid of intelligence. Opportunity may exist for candidate to direct films that emphasize a lack of vision, are of no artistic merit and have no redeeming social value. No experience required. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGEDITOR/NPR/WASHINGTON, DC: NPR is looking for a top editor to join their team. Candidate must not be “gropey” and withhold themselves from forcing colleagues to kiss. Some journalism experience req’d. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGWHITE HOUSE JOURNALIST/NYTimes/Washington, D.C.: “All the news that’s fit to print”, the NYTimes is seeking a journalist to cover the White House. Candidate must have some journalism experience and not have a predilection for young girls. Some travel, weekends and holidays are a must. Full info/apply HERE

JOB OPENINGCHIEF EXECUTIVE/Pixar & Walt Disney Entertainment/LA: An opportunity exists to lead the two premier studios in animation. Must have some production experience. Relocation for the right candidate. Prospect must be able to refrain from “groping”, lewd comments and forcible kissing. Long hours but potentially rewarding career. Benefits package includes discounted Disney Park tickets. Full info/apply HERE

To see a complete list of of the sadly ever expanding opportunities, click HERE