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FLNNN – Florida News Network News

FLNNN

Florida News Network News
The extra n is for news.

I have an affinity for all the silliness that is Florida. And for reasons still unknown, Florida has no shortage of silliness.

Over the years I’ve toyed with various ways in sharing my love affair with Florida. There was a short-lived web series and a podcast, but life got busy and I had to trim some stuff out. In the interim, @floridaman and @floridawoman were born and Drew Curtis’ Fark received its own Florida section (like sports, entertainment, etc.)

I won’t pretend to say FLNNN was the original, but we were a little ahead of the curve. Nonetheless, it’s nice to see people picking up the joy and awesomeness that is Florida.

In keeping with the FLNNN tradition, I am going to post my seven favorite Florida stories every week. There are about 19 million stories in Florida (which is to say there are about 19 million people living in the sunshine state) and trimming down to seven stories is no easy task, but for you dear reader, I will do this. You are worth it.

The only criteria to make the list is that the story has to either make me laugh or make my jaw drop in its stupidity, preferably both.

To wit:

Just waiting for the musical, Yamilton.
Fight Over Yam Leads to Shooting...obviously, this is Florida.

A sign that the re-birth of Neil Sedaka can’t be far off.
AM Radio Station Fined 15K …I honestly didn’t even think AM existed outside of 1010 WINS in NYC.

The two largest swing states are home to the two largest groups of imbeciles, even if this shows SOME sign of intelligence.
Trump Slipping in Ohio and Florida…I’ve lived in both states, so I can speak with authority on their lunacy. Florida wins, hands down…but Ohio? Rapidly closing that gap.

…and this guy.
DeBary, FL Mayor Calls for all residents to be armed and apply for concealed weapons licenses…I had no idea Yosemite Sam got elected. Yee-Haw!

This is crap-tastic!
Drunken intruder takes off soiled shorts, barges into closet before woman shoots him…there are A LOT of stories about people pooping themselves in Florida, too many to be honest...and I don’t mean senior citizens either.

This story bummed me out…until I saw these two words “nipple pasties.”
Florida man gets 17 years in prison for stealing $500G from blind woman that he spent on Lamborghini’s, Porsches and nipple pasties…say it with me, nipple pasties.

I can’t with this guy. I tried. I can’t.
Prosecutor fired over Facebook post sounds off on Twitter...You only need 150 characters to prove you are a jackass, misinformed and pretty much a horrible human being…just ask Donald J. Trump.

Until next time!