In case you have either been living under a rock for the past year or waking up from a coma, reality star, media whore and garish real estate developer Donald Trump is running for President of the United States.
Sadly, he’s actually doing quite well (but I need not remind you that the popular vote does not elect the president…just ask Al Gore).
Happily, he’s actually proving to be an amazing source of absolutely inane statements, to wit:
“Any conversation about global warming is about as serious as the Miller Lite ‘tastes great, less filling’ debate.“
– Trump stump speech at a South Carolina Waffle House, 2.15.16
“When I am elected President, I will rid the country of the foreigners. I’ll start by making Ted Cruz the Ambasador to Canada and Marco Rubio the Ambassador to Cuba.“
– Charlie Rose, 2.1.16
“No, I won’t have a Vice Presidential candidate. I have a deal in place with NBC to have an Apprentice style show to select my Vice President. I’m inviting all past winners on. It’ll be huge, just wait.“
– Good Morning America, 2.6.16
“I will not only build a wall on the border with Mexico but a moat and fill it with alligators.“
– Trump stump speech at an Arby’s in San Antonio, TX, 2.7.16
“New York City has a moat so I’ll just build a gate and make it the largest and most awesome gated community in the country.“
– New York City Republican Meeting at The Harvard Club, 2.19.16
“What do you want, 40 acres and a mule?“
– Las Vegas NAACP Republican Q&A, 2.3.16
“Make no mistake, Ted Nugent will be my Secretary of the Interior.“
– Detroit Chamber of Commerce, 2.17.16
“The Pope is a supporter of ISIS and I can prove it.“
– Overheard in a South Carolina bathroom, 2.15.16
“I will build a wall around the Internet.“
– Menlo Park, 2.8.16
“Under no circumstances will I pardon President Barack Obama for his crimes against America, such as:
- Supporting the concept of allowing stockholders to vote on executive compensation.
- Making tax rates for average working families the lowest since 1950.
- Signing a presidential memorandum authorizing six weeks paid leave for all federal employees with a new baby and encouraged Congress to do the same for all workers.
- Changing fair housing rules to make more affordable housing available to more people.
- Shattering another glass ceiling by naming Janet Yellen chair of the Federal Reserve beginning Feb. 1, 2014.
- Overseeing a $4.6 billion expansion of the Veterans Administration budget to pay for more mental health professionals.
I could go on and on. Obama is a monster and I will not pardon him for these or ANY of his atrocities.“
– Trump stump Speech at Austin Dairy Queen, 2.11.16